Iron Kluck

In order to avoid taking notes on America's imperialistic expansion, one of my classes recently posed the question, "If you weren't a teacher, what would you be?" (This same class convinced me to re-watch 10 minutes of a movie clip that I still think we had already finished) After a long discussion regarding my hypothetical options, my 8th hour class helped me come up with the following realizations:

I know that I do NOT want to be...

1...anything dental related. One of the main reasons that I chose secondary education was due to the fact that I would not have to deal with loose teeth, hanging from strings of skin in some first-grader's mouth. No. No. No.

2...a chef. I have no self control and a love for pasta, french fries, and anything cheesecake.

3...a professional swimmer. I would be cold and wet, at the same time.

4...a principal. I could write a novel detailing this decision.

5...Iron Man. Thanks to the large, metal knee brace that I have to wear for 8 weeks, this class has taken to calling me "Iron Kluck." Due to my claustrophobic nature, I would not enjoy being Iron Man. My class was remarkably disappointed. I am also not a brave person, removing firefighter, police officer, CIA operative, and Batman from the mix. (I do, indeed, teach high school...freshmen)

Should aptitude and talent NOT play into the mix, I would like to be... 

1...an orthopedic surgeon-but only if the hospital and my fellow surgeons resemble those seen on Grey's Anatomy. Having recently been in a dumpy, cramped operating room, I know that I my surgical skills require top of the line space and equipment with plenty of windows overlooking scenic regions of the United States.

2...Kelly Clarkson. I love to sing. Loudly. Both Adam and Mickey adore my singing, but I also control what they eat for dinner, among other things. They are a biased audience.

3...a professional athlete who plays pretty much any (not wrestling) indoor sport. I do miss training for volleyball. While we were planning for the ridiculous, I wished to be an athlete free of screws, plates, and scar tissue, with plenty of cartilage to go around. My students agreed to all of the aforementioned.

Finally, If I was really not a teacher, what else would I be...

1. I would want to be a writer-historical fiction, biographies, pretty much anything that would require time in the archives. They found this "too predictable."

2. I would want to be a photographer. I loved photography in high school, but with a double major in college I did not have credit hours to spare. (There were still a few kids working to convince me that Iron Kluck was obviously a better alternative)

3. I would want to be crafty, maybe become famous on Etsy.

At this point in my history lesson of nothingness, I began explaining the fact that this pie-in-the-sky type of Etsy dream would not come true due to the current level of supply and demand on Etsy, much like the overproduction issue faced by the United States at the turn of the century...

And just like that, there was the slamming of notebooks on their desks, enough whining to make tired three-year-olds look mature, and a silent coup in which they universally decided they were not going to talk to me for the rest of the hour because I ruined their game. This class is hilarious and I have many, many more stories. If my teaching day was filled with only these kids, I would never dream of being anything else.